OOM: 6620, #3

[the_gene_genie]

 
He holds the door open for her again, steps aside so she can go first. It feels like the right thing to do.

'Rats'll bring tea in a minute.'

Comments

[lady_bols]

She feels like she's twelve years old again, sitting on the foot of the bed in the dark with her arms wrapped around her knees, waiting to hear her parents coming up the stairs. Willing them to come home with every fibre of her being, knowing that it wasn't going to happen just because she wanted it to. She thought if she could only wish hard enough, if she could undo whatever mistake she'd done, that she could have them back. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough to bring them back.

She's holding onto the blue scarf like it's the only solid thing in her world, and when he approaches, she unconsciously takes a step towards him, catching herself when he stops.

'Right now, it doesn't feel like it.'

Because he's there, and she's here. And it feels like the chasm between them is measureless.

'I don't want it to be like it was, Gene. I don't want to fall asleep every night on the couch because I've been waiting for the bloody television to give me some bit of news. I don't want to wake up alone, wondering where you are and what you're doing.'

She remembers the snippet of that Billy Joel song, and laughs through tears, looking down at the scarf again, unable to hold his gaze.

'I want so much more than that.'

[the_gene_genie]

He's quiet, just watching her.

Eventually;

'I have to go back, Alex.'

He's said it already, and he knows she knows it, but it has to be clear. She couldn't stay, because he has work to do. He won't give it up for anything. And she never asked him to, on the street outside the pub. So he knows she knows that as well.

'And I don't know what's going to happen when I do. If that's something we can't get past, then I dunno what to tell you.'

Another pause, and God, he hates to see her cry. So he stretches out, and takes her hand.

'But I hope we can.'

[lady_bols]

She's nodding when he says it, because of course she understands. She'd never ask him to give it up, not even for her.

She lets him take her hand, still not looking up at him. The idea of losing him all over again is enough to almost take her legs away.

'You said you'd ask. About -- a thing.' He seemed to know what to do, and she's completely at sea over this. She's lost her home all over again, and has to reinvent herself anew.

'I don't want you to forget me.' The words drag a ragged sob up from somewhere deep in her chest.

[the_gene_genie]

He blinks. And, against all odds, snorts a laugh.

'Bloody hell, are you serious?'

A laugh from nowhere, and his mood breaks. Not into euphoria, or even great cheer. But suddenly, not so black. he squeezes her hand.

'Why would I forget you? How would I forget you? I haven't forgotten anyone else.'

[lady_bols]

She looks up at him, incredulous. Again, she shares her deepest fears with him, and again, he laughs at her.

'I mean, this. You said you don't remember the bar when you go back. And I don't want you to forget that I love you, Gene. I don't want you to forget what's happened here.'

She looks down at their hands, and as much as she wants to pull away, she can't. She needs him. She needs him in a way that's so bone deep, she can't begin to articulate it.

[the_gene_genie]

'Oh.'

The moment of lightness dies. He drops her hand.

'I can't control that, Alex.'

[lady_bols]

'No, you can't.'

She studies his face, as if she could read his thoughts.




He means so much to her. She wonders if he even knows.

'But I have an idea, and you're going to laugh at me again, but -- I want this to work. And I know you do too.'

[the_gene_genie]

He studies her face back.

'What's the idea?'

[lady_bols]

'Marry me.'

[the_gene_genie]

'...I'm sorry, you what?'

[lady_bols]

'Marry me. When you go back, be wearing my wedding ring. And then you'll know that I didn't leave you for some posh bastard. You'll know, somewhere deep down, that I'm wearing your ring.'

[the_gene_genie]

He, literally, doesn't know what to say. And it shows.

[lady_bols]

She smiles at him, tight-lipped, and terrified.

'Do you want me to get down on one knee? Gene Hunt, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of whatever strange life I have with you. Will you marry me?'

[the_gene_genie]

OK, he has to say something.



'...Bolly, we haven't even had sex yet. We haven't even had one day since we've been here where we've been normal.'

His tone is nothing but incredulous, but not in a mean way. Just...of all the things he would have expected her to say to him today, that wasn't even in the top thousand. The top million.

[lady_bols]

Okay, now she laughs. And her mood does lighten a bit, but only just. Since when has any day they've known each other been normal.

'Do you think I'm going to be terrible in bed? Is that what you're worried about?'

If he's going to make her do it, with her in a robe and him in nothing more than a towel, she'll get down on her knees.

'If you crack a joke about me waxing your knob while I'm down here, I will snatch your knackers off and feed them to you one at a time.'

[the_gene_genie]

'Bolly no, don't...'

Too late.

He looks down at her, and can't formulate a coherent thought, let alone a decent response.

And he can't ask her to get straight back up, because that would be rude.

He gets down on the floor as well. He can't speak down to her. It feels twattish.

'I dunno what to say. I think...'

No idea what he thinks. Not a Scooby.

'...you'd best ask again when things are a bit better, alright?'

Should he say thanks? He doesn't know. He's never been on the end of a marriage proposal before.

'But - thanks?'

[lady_bols]

She looks at him, smiling and shaking her head as he gets down to her level. One hand comes up to touch his cheek, because she can't not touch him.

'All right, I will ask again when things are better. But until then, will you wear a ring? Just -- consider it a place holder?'

[the_gene_genie]

'Until then - like, here? In the bar?'

[lady_bols]

'Everywhere. When you go home, if you're wearing a ring, if it's engraved with something naff like, "I call dibs. Love, Bolly" or some such, then -- you'll know.'

[the_gene_genie]

'Right, so...'

Nope, still doesn't know what to say. He gets up instead, and offers her his hand so she'll stand too.

'I don't know.'

Scotch. All the Scotch in the world, please. Pouring gives him a break to think, drinking is just nice.

'Can we - I said I wasn't going to go back yet anyway. Can we just talk about it when I do?'

By then, he might have come up with something to say.

[lady_bols]

'If that's what you want, then I guess that's what I'll have to live with.' She lets him help her up, and then he's moving away again.

Well, that's promising. She sighs and looks toward the wardrobe, thinking she'd best put this scarf away somewhere safe.



Somewhere safe is right back in the pocket of the jacket she took it from.

'Do you know when you will be leaving?'

Because that's how she has to look at it. If he comes back, then she can be surprised and relieved. If he doesn't, well... She can't say she didn't expect the worst.

[the_gene_genie]

'When you're alright,' he says, simply, and pours another drink for her.


'Look, it's not about having to live with what I want. I wasn't expectin' you to ask that. Give me some time to think about it, yeah?'

[lady_bols]

'Yes, of course.'

She still hasn't touched the three fingers she poured earlier, so she takes the glass from him and looks into its depths.

'And you don't have to baby sit me, Gene. I don't want you to feel obligated to look out for me. I'm not your charge anymore.'

Someone isn't the only cranky pants in the house when she's tired.

[the_gene_genie]

'Who said anythin' about obligated?'

If she'd said that ten minutes ago, he'd be irritated. But now, he's still reeling. And no matter what, it was a bloody brave thing to do. Also, flattering, if a bit mad.

He sets his glass down, and walks over again, and simply puts his arms around her. She doesn't get a choice. He just pulls her against his chest.

'You're my girlfriend, aren't you? Be pretty shit if I didn' look out for you.'

[lady_bols]

What is it about being folded up in his embrace that just absolutely melts away any resistance in her? She doesn't know, and right now, she's too tired to care. Her arms go around his middle and she presses her face against his chest, clinging to him.

'Your girlfriend, huh?' There's another quiet laugh at that. After all they've been through, it feels like a pale sliver of what they are to one another. He came back to wait for her, and she came back to meet him. Even if they weren't lovers, they're something more than boyfriend and girlfriend.

But then, he's twenty-two years old, isn't he?

'I guess that makes you my boyfriend, doesn't it?'

She pushes back just enough to look him in the eye.




God, she has it bad for him.